The hostage negotiator's guide to social media

Proof of life: pick the platform you're actually alive on

Every negotiation starts with proving the hostage is still breathing. Every social strategy starts with proving your business is actually on the platform you've chosen, not just technically present with a logo and a bio nobody's updated since 2022.

You don't need to be everywhere.

You need to be somewhere, consistently, in front of the right eyeballs.

A scaffolding firm doesn't necessarily need a TikTok dance.

A B2B consultancy doesn't need a Pinterest board.

Pick the one or two platforms where your prospects and customers actually are, and show up there like you mean it. Being brilliant on one platform outshines a poor, inconsistent performance on five.

Know your hostage: work out where your people actually hang out

"ICP" stands for ideal customer profile, which is a very serious way of saying "the people you'd like to give you money." Too many businesses skip this bit and just post into the void, hoping the void has a purchasing budget.

Selling office furniture to facilities managers? They're on LinkedIn, not lip syncing on TikTok.

Running a boutique with a strong visual identity? Instagram is doing the heavy lifting.

Local trade business relying on word of mouth and reviews? Facebook groups will out-perform anything shinier. Work out where your target customer spends their time, not where you personally enjoy scrolling, and go there.

The ransom note nobody wants to open: selling without "selling"

Nothing empties a room faster than a cold DM that reads like a ransom note.

"Hi, I noticed you engaged with my post, are you the decision maker for your marketing budget?" is not a sales technique, it's a way to get blocked before your coffee's gone cold.

Nobody wants to be sold to in the comments section. They want to see that you know what you're talking about, so when they do have a problem, you're the obvious person to call. Share the thinking behind the work, not just the finished result.

Answer the question people are too embarrassed to ask in public. Tell the story of the job that went sideways and how you fixed it. That's the soft sell, and it converts a lot better than a stranger sliding into someone's inbox with the energy of a timeshare pitch.

Radio silence: what to post when nothing's happening

Every negotiation has a stretch where the phone goes quiet and everyone just sits there.

Social media has the same dead air, usually on a Friday, so when you have nothing "newsworthy" to say, please resist the temptation to post a stock photo of a handshake, tell people about a fictitious deal and call it content.

Don’t do it. Use the quiet days for the stuff that isn't a big announcement but is still genuinely interesting. Here’s some suggestions:

• The answer to a question you get asked constantly
• A quick before-and-after
• An opinion on something happening in your industry
• A look behind the scenes at how a job actually gets done
• Simply repurpose your best-performing content from six months ago because although you think people will know, nobody remembers it anyway.

A slow day is not a licence to post filler. It's an invitation to post something real instead.

Celebrating wins without the cringe

And finally, the bit that can be absolutely cringe: the "humbled and honoured" post. You know the one. Three paragraphs of false modesty leading up to an award nobody outside the industry has heard of, tagging fourteen people, ending on a melodramatic full stop.

You're absolutely allowed to celebrate. You did the work, you're allowed to say so. Just make it about the people it helped, not about how deeply moved you are by your own success. Say what happened, say who it helped, say thank you to the people who actually did the work, and stop.

One good sentence beats four humble-bragging paragraphs every single time. Nobody's holding your business hostage except you, one over-thought post at a time.

Pick your platform, know your audience, sell without the ransom note or the pitch-slap the second someone connects, like your business is the one tied up and desperate for the payout. Keep showing up on the quiet days and celebrate like a normal person.

Negotiation over.